So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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