They should really pass out barf bags in church
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
