College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
