no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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