just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How external is "for external use only"?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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