According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
