I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
