Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
