i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
