considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
