i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
