Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
