I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
