Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
