U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
