Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
