Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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