The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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