By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
