I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
