I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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