he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
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