omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
