Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
