I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
