we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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