last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
