Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
