the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
