ya dads aren't the best wingmen
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize