you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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