he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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