Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
