I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
