ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
