remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
