I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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