I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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