On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My dad just said "fuck circus"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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