Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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