Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
