not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
