why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
