You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
