id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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