god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize