Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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