I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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