ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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