i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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