I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
