when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
