in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
