Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
