If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
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