I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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