Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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