Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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