He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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