Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
