we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
