The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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