good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
