I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
