she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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