I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
home. puking in laundry basket.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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