I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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