did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
