You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
